Smoke Signals
by Em4
Summary: Abby's thoughts sitting out on the fire escape. Ever so slightly A/U.


TITLE: Smoke Signals  
AUTHOR: Em  
SPOILERS: None  
ARCHIVE: Sure, just ask.  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters in ER…damn lying genie!  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is just a quick bit of fluff I thought of whilst I was indulging in a very bad habit of mine during my break at work: take a wild guess what that is!  
SUMMARY: Abby's random thoughts out on the fire escape. Carby Fluff.  
  
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Abby sat out on the fire escape and pulled a cigarette out of the packet. She paused briefly before lighting it, watching the way the lighter flame jumped up and flickered in the semi-dark of her neighbourhood. Cars were driving past her apartment building, the El could be heard rattling by in the distance, and a couple in the building opposite were having a competition to see who could shout the loudest, but still she could hear the gentle sound of John breathing. She stopped to light her cigarette, and allowed her thoughts to dwell on John…  
  
Poor thing; he had been working extra shifts for the last two weeks trying to cover for Luka while he was in Croatia for his father's funeral, and he wasn't due to return for another week. It couldn't come soon enough for Abby. She was missing John. Okay so she saw him at work and they were able to steal a few precious moments together here and there, but if it weren't for that she could go days without seeing him. He would come home and crash out on the couch so as not to wake her, and she would sneak out quietly to start her shift so as not to disturb him; their life over the last two weeks seemed to be one long round of notes, all of which she kept stored in her bedside cabinet. Tonight was no exception. John had just finished a 36-hour shift and had barely had enough energy to take a quick shower before crawling into bed beside her. He had spooned up against her back and pulled her into his arms, kissing her shoulder and breathing in deep the scent of her hair, and within seconds he was fast asleep.  
  
That had been hours ago, and he was still asleep…but Abby couldn't sleep. She had woken to find herself wrapped in his arms, one leg draped protectively over hers. She turned in his arms so that she could look at his face. His hair had started to stick up (she wondered why it always did that?) so she had reached out to smooth it down over his forehead, causing him to fidget in his sleep. She had laughed gently at his little nervous movements and had settled back to watch him…he looked so tired but so peaceful at the same time, like a little boy who had spent all day playing and had just collapsed through sheer exhaustion. She didn't know how long she had lain there watching him, but a quick glance at the clock on the cabinet told her it was at least ten minutes. She tried to get back to sleep but she was wide-awake now, and she didn't want to wake him by pottering around the apartment trying to get to sleep again. He needed his rest.  
  
Slowly, ever so gently, she had slid out from his embrace and walked over to the open window. Although it was July, and the weather had been warm enough for her to fall asleep with the window open, there was a definite chill in the air now. She knew it would have been warmer in bed, and definitely a lot more comfortable, but she had felt a sudden desire to be outside so she pulled a blanket from the end of the bed and wrapped it around her shoulders, and then climbed through the window onto the fire escape outside. She pulled out the packet of cigarettes she kept under the windowsill "in case of emergencies" and settled herself down on the first step.   
  
And that was how she came to be out on the fire escape, smoking a cigarette and staring at the patterns the smoke traced in the air. She was reminded of a game she used to play when she was little; she and Eric had used to lie down on their backs and stare up at the clouds, trying to find familiar images in them. Okay, so maybe everybody played this game when they were little, but they played it differently. Her mother had been in one of her manic phases and had insisted that the clouds looked like emotions, not things. 'Look at that big storm cloud over there: that's anger. He's chasing after that big white fluffy one over there: that's stupidity. It has to be stupidity because everyone knows you should run away from the big angry storm cloud otherwise it's going to gobble you up!" So now here she was, looking at the wispy trails of smoke left by her cigarette and equating them with emotions. Staring at the path they traced across the sky she couldn't help but be reminded of doubt: so thick and intense at first, just like the smoke cloud, but fading away into nothing as time went on. Like her relationship with John; she had been wary of letting him through her guard at first, and even though she still had her moments she had managed to accept that he was very much a part of her life…and she wasn't complaining!  
  
Abby took another drag of her cigarette and became lost in her thoughts, but not so much that she didn't hear John wake up and call out her name quietly. She sat still and waited for him to work out where she was…  
  
"Those things'll kill you," his voice called out softly over the night from the window, referring to the cigarette she held between her fingers. She smiled at his initiation of their routine, perfected over many years, and she gave the familiar reply:  
  
"I know," she replied without turning around. "Want one?"  
  
"Of course." He climbed through the bedroom window and joined her on the fire escape. Without speaking, or even turning to look at him, she held out the packet to him. He took a cigarette from the offered packet and sat down beside her on the step. Still silent she flicked her lighter and watched as he bent his head to light the cigarette. He took a deep, long drag and held it in his lungs, closing his eyes and relishing the taste after days of withdrawal. Finally he threw back his head and exhaled slowly into the sky.  
  
After a long pause, during which he joined her in staring out over the city, the silence was broken. "I thought we were both supposed to have quit?" he said simply.  
  
"There's always tomorrow." She stubbed out her cigarette and tossed the butt over the edge, craning her neck slightly to watch the last few smouldering embers faded into the darkness. Automatically she pulled out another from the packet and lit it  
  
"True." They were both staring ahead of them. He took another drag on his cigarette and watched as the smoke mingled with hers as they exhaled. A minute passed with neither of them speaking, neither of them really wanting to speak: they were happy just to be there with each other.  
  
"So how did you know I was out here?" she asked as she turned to him, tilting her head onto her shoulder so that she could get a better look at him.  
  
"I woke up in an empty bed, the lights were out in the hallway, and I could see smoke drifting past the bedroom window. Didn't take a brain surgeon to figure it out."  
  
She gave a little laugh and returned to staring away from him. She couldn't keep it up for long, however. She listened to him inhaling from the cigarette and exhaling slowly. The very fact that he was sitting so near thrilled her. She had a sudden idea and turned to him excitedly.  
  
"Have I ever shown you how I can blow smoke rings?" She formed her mouth into a circle and exhaled slowly, opening and closing her mouth to cut off the smoke.  
  
"That was supposed to be a smoke ring?" John exclaimed, looking at the splodges of smoke that were coming out of her mouth by starts. "Looked more like one of those cowboy films where the Indians send smoke signals!"  
  
"Oh yeah? Well I'd like to see you do any better!"  
  
"Alright, you're on!" He took a deep breath and had started to exhale when he saw Abby looking at him intently, grinning as she waited for him to fail just as she had! He managed to produce one perfect smoke ring before laughter overtook him, and his efforts to suppress it simply made him exhale the remaining smoke in his lungs like one long raspberry!   
  
"That was classy!" Abby laughed. "Definitely more like 'The Little Engine that Could'!"  
  
"Well maybe we should just admit that neither of us can blow smoke rings. Not everybody can."  
  
"No way mister!" She squared her shoulders and prepared to take a final drag of the cigarette. "I am going to prove to you that I can blow a smoke ring, or at the very least do a good impression of a chimney!" She inhaled the last of the cigarette and threw it over the edge, then exhaled. The smoke weaved its' way across the night sky in a mesmerising pattern which unfortunately looked nothing like a circular shape.  
  
"Hmm, that was a little more like a snake the way it's moving around…Hey, I know what this reminds me of" he said, his face brightening. "Did you ever play that game when you were a kid? You know the one where you lie on your back and look at the clouds?" Abby laughed to herself at his analogy as it came so close to her own ramblings earlier, but John must have heard her because he suddenly became defensive. "What? What's so funny?"   
  
She lifted her head and looked him straight in the eyes, a big smile on her face. "Nothing. I'm just thinking how absolutely perfect you are!"  
  
"Oh…thanks." He didn't really know what to say to that. Despite living together for over a year now Abby could still be very closed off at times and he was always surprised by her spontaneous shows of affection. "You're perfect as well," he said, inching closer to her.  
  
"Yeah, I know!" She nudged against him with her shoulder and he nudged back. They both laughed quietly before slipping into silence. Out of the corner of her eye she saw John give a little shudder so she opened up the blanket for him to come under with her. He wrapped the blanket around both of them and shifted around slightly so that his back was against the wall. She settled her back against his chest and hugged his arms around her under the blanket. They sat there like that for a length of time, listening to the sounds of the city at night, until Carter could feel a change in Abby's breathing as she started to fall asleep against him.  
  
"Abby?" he whispered.  
  
"Mmm?" she answered sleepily.  
  
"Are you asleep?"  
  
"Yes." She smiled but didn't open her eyes.  
  
"Do you want to go back inside?" He smiled down at her while he was thinking of ways to carry her back through the window without dropping her or knocking her against the window frame. Luckily for him she answered in the negative.  
  
"Would you mind very much if I said 'No'? I know you've had a long day at work but it's just so nice being here with you…Plus I can't be bothered to stand up right now and there is no way you could carry me back through that window!"  
  
He chuckled against her hair and bent down to place a soft, slow kiss on her lips. He then settled back against the wall, closing his eyes as he listened to the sound of Abby's breathing above the clatter of the El, the revving of car engines, and the noisy lovemaking of the couple opposite as they obviously made up after an apparent argument. With minutes he was again fast asleep, as was Abby, both of their heads filled with images of the person in whose arms they were held.  
  
And so they sat like that, curled together on the fire escape until the sun rose and baked the earth. Then they woke, stretched, and climbed back through the window into the bedroom. John didn't have to work until midnight, and Abby phoned in to swap shifts with Conni, so after a leisurely breakfast they climbed back into bed and set about making up for two weeks of missed opportunities.  
  
FIN  
  
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That's it. Not really anything brilliant but I had this idea and couldn't not write it. I will get back to writing my other fics now! If I have gotten the weather in Chicago wrong then I'm sorry: I'm going by the fact that July in most places is warm enough to sleep with the window open at night…even in England! And I think I lost a cigarette somewhere along the line, but since the blanket didn't catch fire we can assume everything was OK! Please review if you thought it was any good, or even if you thought it was dire. Just so I know what to change next time. Em. 


End file.
